Starting over

So I planted seeds tonight. I found myself feeling rather stressed about it as I leaned over the vegetable bed I made. Wondering why, I realized that my past experiences with vegetable seeds are affecting me. I know what can happen, you see. I have had seedlings die because I didn't water them often enough in the heat. I've had our dog trample the bed and kill everything. I've had the mystery seeds that just didn't come up. I've had bugs arrive and chomp down everything. And I've had little plants that just didn't thrive, just sat there sickly and pitiful, hating me. I want to feel hope and joy as I plant. But then the past sticks its tongue out at me and mocks me, telling me I am going to lose again.

But then I realized that past experience is not necessarily any indicator of the future. There's nothing wrong with trying again. And that is what I did, doggedly continuing to plant and telling myself that I am trying again and it is ok.

I'm glad about that, since trying again is what Rick and I are doing in ministry, particularly. It is hard to "love like you've never been hurt." But we're trying.

I know it will be a challenge to get those seeds sprouted and growing well in this summer climate. I think I'm ready.

love,

cat